On St. Patrick day I worked with a friend. He didn't have money for food so I said I would spot him about ten dollars. At the end of the shift I noticed he had tips he could pay me back with yet he said nothing so I said nothing. The next day he had told me he was going to pay me back at the start of my shift, yet he again said nothing as I saw him put a huge wade of cash in his wallet. Now not that ten dollars is a HUGE deal, yet now I didn't have money for my food. As I talked to my friend at work about it we spoke about how awkward it is to ask for someone to pay you back since it should be common sense to pay it back asap. I always feel guilty if I forget to pay someone back right away. While reading Weber I was reminded of this incident. "never keep borrowed money an hour beyond the time you promised" (15). I would even argue never keep it till the point where people have to remind you. Weber made me realize that my friend was simply just being forgetful yet it made him lose some credit in my eyes. I will now be less willing to lend him money since I know it is a struggle to get him to pay it back.
Lately, when I say work is my life it really is. I'm there 5 days of the week. Then I just started my internship so when I'm not physically there I'm still "there". I love it yet I'm tired of not sleeping past nine am ever and being exhausted all the time. I realized that I need to try to stress less on money and more on taking care of myself. I wonder why I do this to myself. I realized that I overwork myself since I am utterly afraid of failing. I work hard in school to make sure I get good grades then I work a lot to make sure I can support myself. I'm stuck in the iron cage of being a pressured student/ young adult. I'm terrified of failing or needing to ask for financial help. It frightens me to think about going out into the real world (after college) and not getting a job that I can be proud of. I also have the unsettling fear of turning out like my dad, a man who never could support himself and ultimately failed. I refuse to be anything like that so I have overworked myself to the point of tears. Weber stated, "capitalism of to-day, which has come to dominate economic life, educates and selects the economic subjects which it needs through a process of economic survival of the fittest "(20). This quote says exactly how I feel of the future. I must set myself apart now while I still can. I have joined clubs and got an internship with the little time I already have I have a packed schedule. I am attempting to be the fittest economically. I hope that my resume will beat out others since I have witnessed how tough the job search will be. I feel my stress is a positive, yet will be my downfall if I don't learn to balance it better. There is a point where making money just is not worth it. "more and more money, combined with the strict avoidance of all spontaneous enjoyment of life" (18). The realization that I may miss out on being happy if I am continually held down everyday with work made me realize to take a day off. What is this money worth if I am becoming miserable.
I'm lucky for all my opportunities and love my job but I need a day to play.
Indeed -- how strong is the drive not to "fail"? Very strong, I think, at least in your life and in mine. Where Weber is helpful, I think, is in thinking about what it means (here and now) to "fail," and where that idea/feeling/structure of feeling CAME FROM. Nice stuff; I'm right there with you.
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